Creating an Emotional Bond

We all know that companionship is worth more than any amount of material wealth. Friends are an important part of what enriches our lives. We share our ideas, thoughts, and feelings with them. We express ourselves & release our continuous abundance of creative energy that constantly needs new avenues of channeling.  Avenues to be developed through our ability to emotionally bond with one another.

The time it takes to bond with someone is proportional to the depth of experience you share with that person. It is the ‘depth of experience’, not simply ‘time spent’ with another person that is the most critical factor to strong emotional ties. This is important to understand. It is about all the factors that make up the overall experience someone has when they are with you. It is about maximising their depth of experience during the time they spend with you.

The factors that create this experience are both external and internal ones. For instance internally their mood or state of mind is of consideration, whether they are angry, excited, apprehensive, focused, erratic or relaxed or a combination of many states disrupts or adds to this process. External factors are surrounding physical environment which is composed of the location, the weather, those around you and time constraints that either of you may previously have.

Whilst bungee jumping with someone would create an unforgettable experience, bonding two people closer together, it’s not something that can be done every day by most people. The same goes for other high intensity events. Even more impractical would be sharing that event with someone you have just met 5 minutes ago. Thankfully there is an easier way. If we examine what these high intensity activities do to us, then we can develop a framework to replicate these emotional processes and use them to create a stronger emotional bond with someone, which is essential in getting a person to disclose more of himself or herself.

Such activities are high intensity because it heightens our emotional activity in response to the increased stimuli our body must contend with. Over millions of years the body has developed a special tool that we can use in such situations. Adrenaline, is secreted from our glands and rushes through our body due to an increased heart beat that occurs when someone is stimulated. We become receptive, spontaneous, and animalistic. We are taken through the full spectrum of emotions. We become alive.

So now, how can we practically replicate these emotional processes and use them to create a stronger emotional bond with someone.

• Be Expressive. Both in terms of your language and facial gestures when talking and listening. Practice now, look in a mirror and learn to use your facial muscles more. Don’t be afraid to exaggerate your expressive body language by incorporating the use of your hands and arms to create visual representations of points you want to convey. Not only will this capture attention, but also your ability to speak more concisely will improve as the hand gestures can symbolically indicate the process of memory retrieval.
• Convey Emotion ‘When talking about past events talk in terms of ‘how something made you feel and not in terms of ‘factual information’ eliminate irrelevant details, but include descriptive depth, conveying as much emotion as you can.
• Open Multiple Conversational Threads. This refers to keeping multiple avenues open that the discussion can lead to, as topics may come to a dead standstill. Restarting a old or creating new topic can seem awkward, avoid this and create a fluid transition by switching back and forth, not erratically, but naturally. This keeps the conversation lively, more interesting and exciting. Whilst men generally prefer linear conversations, women tend to jump back and forth discussing a wider range of topics in a shorter space of time, often leading to confusion. Both need to compromise in the presence of the opposite sex.
• Don’t Agree. Rarely should you simply agree to what someone says because you want them to feel right, because it is easier, because you think your avoiding confrontation. If you agree with someone to often they will be aware that you either have no opinions of your own and you have a sheep like mentality or that your doing it to please them. They will respect you less for not standing up to the challenge of presenting your viewpoint. Neither should you swing completely round the other way and appose all that doesn’t fit into a set of narrow-minded beliefs you might hold. People often agree with others as they believe this will lead to them sharing something in common. With commonality seen as a bonding tool, it seems to make sense to find as many of commonalities as possible, however tenuous the link may be. Conversely if we examine this further, it’s clear that this is building a relationship on weak foundations. What is more valuable, is constructive, persuasive debate that leads to both parties coming to an understanding of each others perspective on an issue, topic, idea, subject or whatever it may be. From this derives respect regarding a person’s passion on the matter. Passion and Respect lead to admiration. Which in turn achieves our objective. Creating an emotional bond.
• Venture Beyond the Mundane. Whilst discussing the weather must be one of the most practiced activities. It is progressive for society if we venture beyond the realms of that which limits creative thought and relies on scriptured statements and programmed answers to define our use of the vocal cords in the application of human communication. Instead be less concerned with ‘disturbing the peace’ and more concerned with sharing your thoughts and ideas, placing priority on the emotional significance of them and less on the factual implications. As the latter tends to fly over peoples heads. Moreover these can be disclosed as they display more interest in your way thinking.
• Calibrate Energy Levels. This is a two-part process. Initially it means reaching a state were your pace of speech, vocal range and overall energy levels are equal or slightly higher than the other person. Firstly consciously mirroring how fast a person speaks, will subconsciously build a greater feeling of rapport in that person. They will feel that they are on the same ‘level of thought’ creating a feeling of being ‘in tune with one another’ and so forth. After this synchronisation process has been completed, and they are sufficiently interested in what you have to say, which should be the case if we consider the previous points, it is now up to you to dictate the flow of the conversation. You are able to increase the pace, become more lively, more expressive and hike up the your overall energy levels. The other person will follow your lead as they themselves attempt to mirror you, wishing not only maintain the established levels of rapport, but build on them. If you are not sure they will follow your lead, then do this simple test. Adjust your physical pose and watch them follow suit shortly after. For instance if your hands are apart, then clasp them together. If you are both sitting cross legged. Then uncross your legs. Notice they perform the same action. After raising the energy levels, you bring them back down at will. Adjusting continuously thereafter to coincide with the topic of discussion.

Here are the points that have been raised. Summarised for easy reading, so you can develop your arsenal of social skills that bit further.

• Be Expressive
• Convey Emotion
• Open Multiple Conversational Threads
• Don’t Agree
• Venture Beyond the Mundane
• Calibrate Energy Levels

I have attempted to present a variety of habits that you can develop, that should help you in establishing an emotional bond with another person. Which ultimately comes down to improving your social interactions with that person. However these do not constitute a checklist of mechanical processes that must be included. Quite the contrary, they simply act as stepping-stones for you to further your skills in this vast topic.

By including in your repertoire the above habits, you will have the ability to induce in others people a sense and feeling of a natural high. If we look at it this process of your interaction as representative of sugar levels in a person’s body, then you are their chocolate bar that surges their body with sugar, raising the insulin level, which causes the natural high. As the insulin levels decline back to normal, it will often leave a feeling of a small energy slump on their part, when you’ve left. As a result you will be seen subconsciously as that which satisfies their emotional needs.